A Genderqueer Butch Fag in the South

Being Post Op: My Evolving Feelings About My Body

Specifically, my evolving feelings about, uh, my junk and how it plays into my sexuality.

I came across this picture today, and it struck a chord with me. 

Cut for talk of sex, sexuality, body image, my evolving relationship with my junk, etc.  If you don’t want to read about those things in general or know me personally and think it would be awkward to learn these kinds of things about me, move along, yo. It’s about to get very TMI up in here.

The picture struck a chord with me because I realized that it’s basically a picture of what I want my body to look like (albeit with a bit more muscle, and I don’t really care about the whole T-induced-enlarged-clit).

You see, I realized something recently that has kind of rocked my world:  I’m happy with my junk as is.  I actually want what I have.

This is huge, you guys.  I can’t really begin to convey how big of a deal this is for me.  Prior to this point, I’ve just been utterly indifferent and disconnected from that part of my body.

I’m not sure how exactly this came about.  It kind of just… happened.  I think me finally embracing my submissive/bottom side has a lot to do with it.  Learning how to enjoy that part of my body has really been a life-changing experience for me.

I’m really happy, you guys.  This is something that I honestly thought I would never have.  Ever.  I’ve felt so fucking disconnected from my body in so many different ways for most of my life.  It’s so wonderful to finally be in a place where that’s not the case anymore.

Not to say my relationship with my body is magically perfect now, of course, because it isn’t.  Hell, as you can tell from this post, I haven’t even found a name for “that part of my body” that clicks with me.  Most of them feel uncomfortable and feminizing to me, and I just can’t deal with that.

But just the fact that this has changed for me… It gives me so much hope for what my relationship with my body can be like in the future. 

And I want to hold onto that as hard as I can.